Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Shed Me Some Light

I brought Naomi to see her regular paediatrician this late afternoon because she needed a followed up check for her phlegm issue in her lungs. Thank God, she is much better than last week now. Last week, Naomi had to be nebulized for the first time to clear the massive phlegm in her lungs due to prolonged phlegmy coughs.

I told Naomi’s doc that we are going to Cameron Highland this weekend and he asked me which hotel we are staying. I answered, we are staying in an apartment but I don't know which one. He then commented that now is a good time to go to Cameron Highland because it’s not holiday season, bla bla bla. This paediatrician is a nice middle-aged uncle and Naomi has been seeing him in the past 2 years or so.

Since our visit was near to his clinic’s closing time and I noticed he had less or almost none patients after Naomi, I casually asked him other things.

"Doc, can I ask you something?" "Yes." "I actually gave birth to a stillborn last year. Can you enlighten me if that was because of me or what I ate during pregnancy, etc. I just don't want this to happen again." After he learnt this, he asked me how far the pregnancy back then, what the cause was, which hospital I delivered the baby, whether my husband and I carried any post-mortem investigation to the deceased baby, etc.

Once he got clearer picture of what happened to me and Dylan, he illuminated that statistically speaking, 1 out of 10 babies (during pregnancy) dies in the womb or has to be terminated due to many issues. Foetal death is a sad thing but unfortunately quite common.

Moving on, he explained that stillborn usually is not because there's something wrong with the mother nor what she ate that made the baby passed away, especially if the cause of death was umbilical cord related. He then took a blank white paper from his drawer and drew the picture of a uterus, baby, and placenta and how umbilical cord actually looks like in a uterus on that paper. Using this illustration, he told me that baby movements are the ones that cause umbilical cord issues and tangled umbilical cord cannot be prevented. There’s almost literally nothing we could do to prevent tangled cord to happen. Nonetheless, he thought Dylan's tight knot on his umbilical cord (that entirely cut his blood and food supply off from my placenta) was a rare unfortunate case.

After this brief explanation, this doctor told me to get past of my gone baby (re: Dylan) and try to get another baby soon. Further, he stated that usually babies who die in the womb are the results of them having some problems that led them not being able to go through the so-called “Nature Selection” process. It’s like the way Nature's implies that these babies are abnormal or will not live healthily later on. Often, babies who have some kind of abnormalities miscarry or die in utero. 

Not too satisfied with this answer, I questioned him. “How come my gynae never spotted anything wrong during my prenatal scans?” He replied, “Sometimes ultrasound scan can scan the baby’s face and so on very clearly but cannot detect certain abnormalities.”

Before I ended our visit, I shared with him that my efforts to be pregnant again so far have not been successful. He responded, "Just be happy and who knows after your Cameron Highland trip, you get pregnant again". I laughed. "I don’t know. There had been too many disappointments lately, even though both my husband and I seemingly don’t have major fertility issues."

He commented that I shouldn't think too much about TTC because pregnancy is a very elusive thing. The more you chase pregnancy, the further it gets away from you.

He gave me the example of his Sister-in-Law who had 4 or 5 miscarriages and failed IVF. When she finally gave up, by accepting the fact that her life would be fine with a baby but it will still be all fine without one, she got pregnant again.

I couldn't agree more to this example.

Truthfully, I had heard the same old things (notions such as baby comes when you least expect it or give up TTC-ing and bam, you made a baby! and many more) for as few as a thousand times and sadly, it's not that easy to live these words if you are overshadowed by your strong desire to have another baby.

I noted his example by saying that it's hard to give up TTC-ing because naturally, I want another baby again (read: badly) after I lost Dylan. I am still battling with my demon, called Envy, when I see other pregnant women and those with new baby. He remarked, "I see. But envy is a very negative feeling and it's not good for you. If you see other pregnant women or babies, you SHARE THE JOY. You will be happier when you feel their joy as well. And when you are happy, you can get pregnant more easily." 

I stunned when he mentioned the words “share the joy”. Good Lord! How hard it is to share the joy while I mostly feel sore about the above. (No offence to all pregnant readers, friends and families on this specific discussion, okay… This is an issue I am still working on).

Just before I ended this visit, his final advice to me was, “Be happy and enjoy life. Life is short after all. I hope my small advice help you a little”.

Thank you, Doc. Good bye. I’ll see you again in two weeks’ time.” 

So, I shared the above conversations I had with Naomi's doctor with my husband after I got home. This is the comment that I got from him, "I already told you exactly the same thing for a long time.. You never listen. Whatever I say is rubbish and other people’s advice is wisdom to you". I just gave him a big smile and said “Well, Doc’s advice on giving up was not novel to me either...”.

Ahhh….. Sometimes I do wonder why it is so hard to be a completely happy and contented person. Away from all negativities in life, particularly those in the head.

One of greatest blessings in life: My chubby checkers.

Good thing that I have Naomi who is my absolute anchor, constant reminder and reason to be happy and grateful in life. No matter the sourest lemon it threw me last year.

Ok lah.. Let's just be happy and no more living in the past. 2014 was undoubtedly a bitter-sweet year, 2015 so far is a soul searching chapter for me. I think I have come a long way since Dylan's incident and I really need to let go the past, whatever it was, in order to have a future. A much brighter and happier one, hopefully. 

Good things come to those who wait, they say.

Oh yea, recently I set up a Dayre account which I sort of update on daily basis (yep, mobile blogging is apparently very convenient!). Please follow my Dayre, if you have one.


  1. Hi Christine, thank you for sharing this enlightening post!

    For my case, I haven't really gone into the TTC stage for the second one. My firstborn is now 22.5mo. My plan (God willing) is to get pregnant in 5 months' time because of my age. I'm 36 this year. But I guess I shouldn't be too anxious, like what your doctor said, "The more you chase pregnancy, the further it gets away from you."

    Gambateh! Maybe we can have babies born next year together! :)

  2. Hi Joyce,

    No worries. I have few friends who are around your age and they can conceive babies just fine. Haha.. Yeah, getting pregnant again apparently is not as easy as we thought or plan. God interferes. If the time has yet to come, it's not going to happen. But .. we need more power indeed!



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