Thursday, October 16, 2014

Remembering You

This afternoon, a blog reader sent me a very touching article about Baby Loss Awareness Week (thanks, Joyce!). This article speaks my mind as well as the battle that I went and am going through very loud. While I'd previously heard of Baby Loss Awareness Week, I never actually bothered about it. Well, until Dylan's incident happened to us. Honestly, sometimes, it still feels a bit surreal to me to be part of the 'grieving parents club'. No parent intends to sign up for this 'club'. But the truth is, like it or not, I am now part of it.

If I get the info correctly, Baby Loss Awareness week takes place from October 9th-15th every year. It is the week when bereaved parents, family members and friends commemorate their babies who had gone too soon.

I guess I am a day late in honouring this week but would like to do so, especially since baby loss is traditionally deemed as a taboo topic for many people or cultures. To me, baby loss is not a taboo affair nor a talk that will bring anyone bad luck if discussed openly. Acknowledging a baby that a family once lost is indeed difficult but it is very important. It is simply hurtful for the parents when their departed baby is not acknowledged or never spoken of. Just because some people never got to meet that baby physically, it doesn't mean that he/she never existed. That angel was very special and had left tiny footprints that are forever not erasable in his/her parents' lives.

The physical and emotional pains of having a baby that born sleeping were so real. I had my son inside me for so long and went through the same painful and long labour to give birth to him - the exact same labour pains that any woman would go through to deliver normal babies. The difference here was that I never got to bring him home with me. So yes, this angel did exist. He was so real.

Fly high, angel.

To my son in heaven whom I never held in my arms,

It's been a little over two months since you flew away.

I still cannot fathom why I was not given the chance to raise you.

I have, however, accepted the reality that you were destined for something bigger up there.

Just wanted to let you know that you were once my child and will always be my child.

With love,

Mommy

Remembering Baby Dylan. 62 days today.

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