It's Day 4 since Dylan went away.
Tears shed are not as much as Day 1 and Day 2 but heart ache level is still pretty much the same. It seems like there is a huge hole right in the centre of my heart.
By now, I have accepted the truth that my son is forever gone but still question God. Why He took him away from me, before he took his first breath in this world, is still beyond my comprehension. Anyhow, I am trying to trust and understand His plan. Time will tell.
I see Dylan every time I close my eyes and he, too, wakes me up from my sleep.
It pains me every time I realize that I am not pregnant anymore and there is no baby boy's arrival to look forward to in this coming October.
I miss my baby boy's kicks in my tummy. I miss caressing my pregnant belly. It is weird to see my tummy suddenly all flat again.
It feels so not normal not to have a newborn to take care of during my confinement because by right, every new mother should be crazy busy with her newborn in the first 1-2 months of post-partum, correct? But not me. No newborn cries wake me up every two hours or so. No newborn to cradle to. No newborn to breastfeed.
Dylan, what have you been up to these days?
Mommy misses you, love. It hurts. So bad.
Life is so unfair.