14 December 2012: My baby and I.
The following describes my life now.
Every morning, day and night, I pretty much do the exact same things. It is just that the hours, the minutes and the seconds that I do those repeat activities everyday are not exactly the same. I wake up in the morning when my baby wakes up. Whenever she makes noises in early morning; I hastily jump out of my bed, lift her up from her baby cot and put her near to my chest. With my eyes half opened, I breastfeed her to mark her brand new day. Then my daily routines would be followed with changing her diaper, rocking my baby to sleep again, taking a shower, feeding her, cleaning her bottles, bathing her, eating my breakfast, playing with her, trying to make her take her nap, doing my laundry, cleaning the house, feeding her again, eating lunch, carrying my baby and so on until about 12 midnight when my baby turns to bed. When the next morning breaks, I do the above again. Boring?
How about the husband? On weekdays, he has to help himself for breakfast, or sometimes even prepares one for his wife too before leaving for work. I seldom cook lunch and dinner because my kind Mother-in-Law (MIL), fortunately, is willing to cook extra food for my husband and me.
The SAHM job is just never ending. I barely sleep or rest until midnight. Since my baby is a light sleeper, she sleeps very little during the day so I have to quickly complete my house chores or do my own things like blogging when she takes her nap. By the time I am done with the house chores or probably finished with one blog post and plan to take nap when baby is still napping – usually she wakes up!
Really, I can’t accept the “Oh that woman stays at home and probably doesn’t do anything all day long” line that people punch on SAHMs. It is rude and baseless.
Being a SAHM is tiring too. Don’t you think so? I hardly get a short decent break that I need.
In the beginning, there were times when I felt like stopping random people I met in the street, mall or restaurants and asked them if they could work in my house, even for a couple of hours. “Please somebody help me so I can catch up with my sleep!” It was evident that sleep deprivation had its effects on my brain. However, after two months’ time, life as a Mom with a newborn gets better because the baby’s schedules are more predictable so it is easier for the two of us to get along.
Another instance, when I am so down with cruel flu bugs like this very moment, I cannot rest well. Nobody can take the turn with me in taking care of my baby so I can rest my body – MIL happens to be not available, husband is in the office, my own parents are in Indonesia, no domestic helper around. In short, I have to survive on my own. Can you get the picture on how hard it is to function like normal after swallowing those flu meds containing sedatives?
In times like this, I do envy my husband. When he’s sick, he can take MC from his work and rest at home for the whole day. How about me? Can I take MC too and sleep the whole day so my body could recuperate? What will happen to our house and baby if I rest on my bed for the whole day? Mommy just can’t fall sick.
On weekends, luckily the husband is more involved with looking after the baby and doing some household works too so at least I can have few hours for myself. Can’t complain.
The decision in raising my own baby right since her birthday was right for me. I have no regret on this. Some relatives might look down on me because I am jobless and choose to stay at home just to be with my baby. Amazingly, I don’t bother about their two-cents anymore and my chest is so full of pride because I am always there to ensure my baby’s well-being. I don’t mother my baby on weekend basis and I don’t miss her milestones. Whenever my baby hits her fantastic development milestones, I get to know first and see it with my own eyes. I don’t need somebody else reports to me saying that “Hey, guess what – Your baby now can hold stuff on her tiny little fingers”. Instead, I am the one who reports this kind of news to the interested parties.
Seriously, I could not be more proud and happier looking at my healthy and happy baby. Being a full-time Mom is indeed challenging, busy, stressful and etcetera but everything is worth the pain. The feeling looking at my baby’s smile, especially when her beautiful eyes meet mine, is surreal.
The husband tempts me to get back to work when I am ready. MIL asked me few times on when I will be back to work. I tell them I don’t know because the truth is I have no slightest idea about it just yet. I can’t entertain the thoughts of leaving my baby on someone else’s hands at the moment. Being separated from my baby for a half-day, the whole day or worse, the whole week is unthinkable. I think I’d get crazy missing her hair’s smell, longing to carry her tiny body near to my body or kiss her chubby cheeks. Although, I must say that the thoughts of having my fixed income and financial independence back are really lucrative but for the time being, I’d rather be a little poorer as long as I can make sure that my baby is okay every day.
On another note, being SAHM sometimes means that we’ve got to be ready to be cooped up in the house for the whole day doing many things that seem to be endless. Days seems to get by faster. Life can get a bit boring on certain aspects and I get lonely too. I miss the adult interactions on most days so if time permits, my baby and I’d spend our whole afternoon in my MIL’s house. To conclude, I have no concrete plan for future now. I am just living every moment of my new life as a Mom and I never stop venturing the opportunities to be able to earn money while mothering my child full time, hopefully when my baby gets a bit older. One thing for sure, I have no regret on always being there for my baby.
Yet again, the above are my personal takes and I am doing what I think I need to do. Everyone has different situation, values and opinion. Just do what you think is right for you. Family versus career is always a tricky choice for most women on the whole planet Earth.