In the beginning of our marriage, my husband and I purposely delayed the plan to have a baby. Why? Firstly, my husband and I had not had our customary wedding celebrations just yet. The best customary wedding date chosen by the 'Smart Person' in the Temple was like more than a year after our marriage registration date. Super long, I know. Hence, we thought it's not cool if the bride showed a protruding tummy during the wedding dinner. Everyone would sure tend to look at and talk about her tummy instead of her pretty face after more than two hours long make-up session. So, baby comes later.
My latest one-month-old niece, Zhi Thong, is modelling for me here.
For the first time.
Secondly, I think I was not mentally ready to handle children as yet. Seriously, you can't undo kids! Once you pop them out, you got to deal with and be responsible of them forever. After witnessing some real-life experiences in living with babies and toddlers in Malaysia, I came to realize that kids are indeed real handful and require a lot of energy, patience and money from the parents. I can confidently say that there are major differences in playing with kids for short moments and living with or taking care of them 24/7. I have no doubt that kids bring happiness and joy but do not forget that they also cry, whine, scream, talk, fight, sing, throw tantrums, yell and jump (a lot) non-stop, every single day. For instance, small daily routines like eating could be a big prolonged drama (times three) when we need to feed children. I have seen kids who really get into their parents' nerves when they're not behaving or too active. Stressful!
Lastly, I held a strong belief that a kid may break or make a marriage especially when the relationship was still anew. Since my husband and I somehow dated rather briefly and only got married not long ago, I thought we both need some time alone to get to know each other better (especially since we live under the same roof now). I figured that there'd be lesser or even no more privacy when there is a child around us. A third 'little' person who would require massive attentions from both of us may not do well on our marriage as yet. Thus, I always felt that I was not ready to become a parent.
However, few months ago, I saw a friend wrote something really good about entering the world of parenting on his Facebook's wall. His line struck me hard and turned my old belief about having kids upside down. He wrote: "If everyone waited until they were ready to become a parent then no one would have children. It's a learning process, you learn as you go". It's so true. No one is ever 100% ready to become a parent, so just live it. Children are blessings from above so cherish them, if you have them.
Speaking of becoming parents, now that my husband and I are done with all the wedding things, we have decided that we should try for a baby. Albeit I'd always have the feeling that I am never ready for one as baby is a huge responsibility but I reckon it's neither good nor healthy if we keep on delaying on making babies.
In brief, my husband and I have tried making baby naturally for about 4-5 months by now, but sadly, we still got no luck with conceiving one. It seems like making baby is not as easy as we think. It's very seldom that after mere one month of trying, we could spread the good news to everyone that we finally carry a baby in our tummy. I have personally seen gynecologist, applied the 'ovulation' calendar methods religiously, taken pre-pregnancy vitamins on daily basis, consumed the funky tasting Chinese traditional medicines regularly, read a lot of pregnancy articles in the internet and asked for friends' advice but no baby dust for me thus far.
In the past few months, I can really share the burden of those couples who are so eager to have babies but are unable to conceive yet. This sort of pressure was so imaginary until I finally am trying for one but no result up until now. A lot of people console me by saying that's it's only been few months of trying, it's normal, but these whole baby making ordeals are kind of disheartening. Furthermore, I also face other pressures of getting pregnant from you-might-know-who that make me more frustrated about the TTC (Trying to Conceive) stuff.
Take my word, the more a woman is obsessed with getting pregnant, the more she feels like she is pregnant (though she is not yet) and trust me, this sucks! I am not sure if some of you, married women out there, who are trying to conceive, encounter the following "TTC Obsession" symptoms, but I do.
- I have developed high interests on articles, tweets or discussions that are about pregnancy topics. I think if you throw me a pop quiz about the top 10 common pregnancy symptoms, I can roughly mention 10 of them just about right. Thanks to my heavy reading on procreation as if I was going to have a biology exam on human conception chapter every other day.
- I feel that the function of calendar nowadays is more important than ever. Yes, charting and following the ovulation calendar is a serious business for me now.
- I dread of yet look forward to the coming of my next period at the same time. I always can’t wait to find out whether I am going to be 'late' or not. I tell you, the Two-Week-Wait (after ovulation) period is overwhelming for me. I try to forget about it but it somehow lingers around my mind.
- I am sucked into the whirlpool of sadness when I finally get my period. I am very upset and sulk (especially on the first day) when Aunt Flo visits me.
- I shamelessly keep ready stock of pregnancy test-packs at home. There are some mornings when I use them because I get the false alarm, or in other words, suddenly ‘feel’ like already pregnant. I feel that keeping a good stock of pregnancy test-packs at home is as important as keeping stock of shampoos, body shower gels and the like. So embarrassing.
- To some extent, I envy those random pregnant women or those parents with cute babies, whenever I see them. I honestly do not hate them at all and really hope this crazy 'envy' emotion lasts temporarily.
- I find it intimidating when I have to go to or pass by baby shops or departments in a mall/supermarket.
There are probably more weird symptoms that I grew in relations with TTC obsessions but I can’t really remember or describe all of them in words now. All I can say, some nice supports and fewer pressures from our loved ones are critical and much appreciated when a woman is going through a TTC phase, as it isn’t easy.
Okay, stop with the rants now. I guess I must quit this baby/child-bearing/pregnancy frenzy immediately and move on with my life. I have a husband to take care of, work to do and obviously, a blog to maintain. Also, like my husband says, just take it easy. There's always a time for everything. The more I get too stressed out about being pregnant; it would not be any easier for me to get there either. Anyhow, after some heart-to-heart discussions with some friends who have babies, actually I think that life without baby is not that bad either.
Relax, enjoy, pray and keep trying.