Monday, January 12, 2009

The Quest

A mentally disturbed 70-year-old threw thinner and lit fire to a Member of Parliament in Singapore. Kate Winslet won two Golden Globe Awards for her role in The Revolutionary Road. Heath Ledger wins posthumous Golden Globe Awards. Fergie and Josh Duhamel finally got married.

Those were interesting. But, amongst all of the breaking news and articles today, the following article from Yahoo! News this afternoon indeed caught my attention best and definitely intrigued me to make some commentaries.


BEIJING (Reuters) – A 107-year-old Chinese woman who was afraid to marry when she was young has decided to look for her first husband and hopes to find a fellow centenarian so they will have something to talk about, a Chinese paper reported.

Wang Guiying is worried she is becoming a burden to her aging nieces and nephews since breaking her leg when she was 102 and had to stop doing chores like washing her clothes.
"I'm already 107 and I still haven't got married," the Chongqing Commercial Times quoted her saying. "What will happen if I don't hurry up and find a husband?"

Born in southern Guizhou province the child of a salt merchant, Wang grew up watching her uncles and other men scold and beat their wives and often found her aunt crying in the woodshed after an attack, the paper said.

"All the married people around there lived like that. Getting married was too frightening," she said of an era when Chinese women had few rights and low social standing.
Many also had their feet bound in an excruciating process aimed at making them look more dainty and marriageable.
After Wang's father, mother and older sister died, she still shied away from marriage. Instead she moved to the countryside and survived as a farmer until she was 74 years old and no longer strong enough to work in the fields, the report said.

Her nephew in the booming city of Chongqing then took Wang in, but she is worried he and her other nephews and nieces are too old to take care of her now even the youngest is 60.

"My nephews and nieces are getting older and their children are already tied up with their own families and I am becoming more and more of a burden," she said.

Local officials have said they are happy to help Wang search for a 100-year old groom, and suggested her family get in touch with old people's homes to find candidates, the paper said.

After reading the article's last paragraph, what came to my mind were:
1. Realistically, how many available +/- 100-year-old males (who are willing to wed her) in China Mainland now? Also, keeping in mind that geography and different languages spoken are the strong barriers to find love on the other part of the world. Not that many.
2. How much time she's left to find and finally feel love? Not much.
3. Love is blind, I understand. But, whoever centenarian man, if any, who finally weds her must be really blind.
4. It's going to be a hard search. Requires a perfect horizontal fate. Takes heck of lucks and prayers to find her groom.

How to find love after 30s. How to find love after 50s. How to find love after divorce. How to find love for single parents. And many more how tos find love. Seems like the whole universe can't get enough to grill this topic over and over again.

Love is hard to find.

I might be the last person who can explain much about love or share the tips and tricks in successfully finding a soul mate, as I have yet to be successful in finding mine either and am a far cry from the Love Guru's qualifications. However, after reading the afore article, I kind of get this woman's misery in continuing her life and finding a friend of life just to spend the rest of her life in this earth.

She constantly shied away from finding love, let alone from marriages. She grew old fulfilling, I bet, ultimately nothing and pleasing no one, but herself. She got lonely. She dangerously felt the need to have a 'friend'. She became too dependent on her big family who might not supposed to take care of her forever and considered herself as their potato sack at the end of the day as she gets weaker and useless on daily basis.
Why she only realized this after almost 100 years? Who is it to blame then? Herself? God? Her family? The old circumstances? Can't say. Maybe it's just her path. Maybe her life is meant to be this way. *Knock on wood three times* But again, I must say that she's got the guts in announcing her wish to find a groom at her current three-digit age to the whole world.

From what I heard, saw, noticed, experienced and read, there are two major views on the quest of finding (hopefully eternal) love:
One, those with the subtle or passive thinking say don't try to find love. When it happens, it happens. When it has not come, it has not come. Besides, love happens when you least expect it. Two, those who belong to a more assertive type believe that we have to get active in finding love. Don't just wait. Do something. There is nothing wrong at all in being aggressive (for girls). It's now or never. Use some strategies to win love if necessary.
I personally still think both ways are kind of difficult to apply in real life. Just waiting like a sitting duck is wrong. Being a way too aggressive in finding the right one doesn't sound correct either. Therefore, ideally, the mix of both views would be just nice to successfully find love.

There is a time for everything under the heaven. Humans cannot escape from divine intervention. Those sayings could not be any true. But, let's not forget that the law also says ora et labora. You back up your prayers (or dreams) with actions.

I always feel that some people are lucky to find the right one, or at least the quite right one, early. Some just aren't that lucky and have to wait longer. Though, in this 107 years old woman's case, the waiting part has gone way too long.

I've actually been analyzing some possible causes why some people have to wait longer, like myself. Below are the top four reasons that I could think of for the time being.

1. God's willing or just merely fate. In this case there is nothing any mortals can do to intervene the divine's purposes. It's just not your time yet, my children! Fret not.
2. Personal characters. He or she could be genetically a "difficult" person to live with hence not many normal people would like to be around. He or she is very fussy or picky, too shy, too quiet, too introvert, etc. No one can help the first mentioned character. It's beyond our league. But for those with one or many of the characters in the second statement can start changing her mindset and attitude in relating with others.
3. No time to find love. In a hectic life like nowadays where 24 hours seem barely enough to meet the endless deadlines, where there seem not enough steps in climbing the corporate ladders, where employees are forced or deliberately sell their souls to their clients or bosses - finding a time to find love is quite a challenge. Even though we meet a lot of new people at work, those people are simply not the right 'target market' for us half of the time. So what to do? No one to chase.
4. We're just not that into the opposite. It does happen when someone falls for us and chases us but sadly, we don't feel the same way. When they show their feelings and start their aggressions but we still feel nothing, what is the outcome? We'd feel annoyed and rather keep a distance. For some extreme cases; the farther, the better. When we're not attracted, we just are not. No need to push.

Then, shall we just wait for the right time, always keep our eyes and heart open and grab the opportunity fast once we see 'someone' who excite our eyes and heart?

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